Aware: Healing rift must start with re-examination

Healing rift must start with re-examination

I REFER to the recent controversy over homosexuality arising out of the quarrel between veteran members of Aware and new members who briefly wrested leadership until Saturday's vote of no confidence saw them resign.

The new members, led by briefly tenured president Josie Lau, referred to their Christian belief in justifying their takeover of Aware, whose agenda, they felt, had strayed towards advocating gender behaviour issues, rather than women's concerns.

As a Christian, I feel the healing must begin with a better understanding of how Ms Lau and her fellow members of the Anglican Church of Our Saviour got themselves in a pickle.

When it comes to someone's sexuality, Christians underestimate how difficult it is to convey the message of loving the sinner but hating the sin. It is hard in the case of homosexuals because a homosexual considers his sexual orientation or lifestyle part of his identity.

Many Christians believe that some homosexuals are the product of dysfunctional and unhealthy family relationships. Christians who believe this must also take a moment to ponder just what it must be like for homosexuals with such family backgrounds to deal with their homosexuality.

Ours is still a conservative society. Many homosexuals face condemnation and rejection from the very people who are supposed to love and support them. However strongly Christians may believe in the wrongness of homosexuality, we cannot turn a blind eye to the struggles and rejection many homosexuals often face from within their own families.

This is why I was surprised when the then-new executive committee quoted the example of Aware celebrating Mother's Day by bringing together mothers and their lesbian daughters, as an example of Aware's promotion of lesbianism. Do we really have to see this as the only inescapable conclusion? If we want to promote family values, there is something to be said for the notion that parents should love their children no matter what, that lesbians should not be shunned or shamed by their own family or society.

I imagine Aware showcased those families precisely to make that point. Is there really a need to see this as against family values? Is the idea of helping fractured families focus on continuing to love a homosexual child so wrong in itself? When Christians suggested so forcefully that this was part of the proof that Aware promoted lesbianism, that was when they lost me.

As for sexuality education in schools, many parents are concerned about what teenagers are taught regarding sexuality and homosexuality. We do not have to be Christians to share these concerns. But before we accuse anyone of having a single agenda of promoting homosexuality, consider the possibility that all the old guard wanted was not to make teenagers with homosexual leanings or thoughts feel so ashamed that they cannot talk about their feelings with counsellors or their parents.

The old guard may or may not have got the balance right but I would not be so quick to say there can be only one explanation for all this and it is that Aware has a single agenda of promoting homosexuality.

If the old guard truly wanted to promote homosexuality, why did Mrs Constance Singam nominate Mrs Claire Nazar, a Christian, for president? I believe the new team started to lose support - even among those who share their faith - because they came across as accusatory without taking the time to talk to and try to understand the motives and intentions of the old guard. They abandoned the option of pursuing constructive ways of engagement over differences, preferring to believe the worst of people and tried to exploit the element of surprise rather than effective dialogue. Many of us appreciated their good intentions, but did not agree with their tactics.

I urge Ms Lau and her team not to be disheartened in doing what they believe in. But if I am right that they were misunderstood, then they should acknowledge their mistakes and explain why they acted the way they did. The last thing we want is for the legacy of this saga to deepen misunderstandings between Christians and non-Christians, or wrongly perpetuate this idea that Christians are intolerant and have no interest in helping those who do not share their beliefs.

Teo Boon Theng (Mrs)

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