Teach your children to understand sexual matters

Teach your children to understand sexual matters

1. The need for sexual education in the home

Children will learn about sex. It is just a question of how and when they will learn. If we do not take the lead, then the world will teach them things that are contrary to the Bible. Are we going to be silent and see our children led astray? Is our comfort more important than our children?

On some sexual matters, a father can teach his son, and a mother can teach her daughter. Here are ten reasons for sex education in the home:

i. Sex education helps a child to accept his body and each year of growth. It enables him to discuss sex without fear or shame.

ii. Sex education helps a child to understand and be satisfied with this role in life. Children are content to know that boys grow up to be men and fathers, while girls grow up to be ladies and mothers.

iii. Sex education answers questions. It takes away the mystery. When children know that their parents will teach them the truth about sexual things, children have no cause for worry or concern. They do not need to turn to dirty stories or pornography to satisfy curiosity.

iv. Sex education encourages a child to develop biblical attitudes for life. Good teaching guards against sexual problems later in life. Otherwise, sexual confusion and fears in childhood can carry over into adult life. Bad sexual experiences as a child may produce twisted sexual patterns in life.

v. Christian sex education helps a person spiritually. It clears his mid of distracting sex questions. It brings a deep respect for God and His plan of human growth. Good teaching enables the person to thank God for sex and the way God created us.

vi. Sex education builds a child’s confidence in his parents. If the parents are honest and helpful about matters of sex, children learn to trust parents about many other things.

vii. Sex education given at home is like hoeing the weeds out of a garden. Good teaching at home uproots sinful ideas that reach children through films, friends, magazines, and newspapers.

viii. Sex education in the home makes giving birth to children clear and holy. A child should feel that having children is right. He needs to know – as shown in Genesis 1:24 – that God planned for each living creature to produce after its own kind.

ix. Sex education helps a child to be proud of his own sexuality and value those of the opposite sex.

x. Sex education helps protect children from sexual abuse. People who sexually use children often take advantage of the child’s ignorance. If a child has basic knowledge, he is more likely to go to another adult for help.

2. The method for sex education in the home?

Talking about sex is sometimes difficult because it is meant to be private. Evan a husband and wife may find it difficult to talk with each other about sex. So, it is natural to sometimes feel awkward when talking to our children about such things. Still – for the ten reasons we have studied – parents must teach their children about sex. So, what is the best way to teach them? Here are seven keys for teaching our children about sexual matters.

i. Use a long, step-by-step approach. Do not wait for one day to tell a child everything about sex. Teach children the things that match their ages. Make sure they understand you and then build on that information little by little as they grow. Discern how much the child is ready to learn. Teachings will satisfy a child who is three years old will not satisfy a child who is five or six years old.

ii. Answer questions honestly. Small children will ask sexual questions as they ask questions about all other things. Answer them briefly and honestly. But only give them the information that fits their age. If a parent lies – like saying a big bird brings a baby – the child who discovers the truth will wonder why the parent lied.

iii. Use teaching moments. When you and your children see mating between chickens, cows, or goats, explain what is happening. Likewise, a mother has a good opportunity to teach when she or another woman is pregnant. Some pregnant mothers teach their children by letting them feel the baby move in the womb while explaining a little about how it got there. Do not always wait for questions, especially from older children. A child’s silence does not mean a lack of interest. A child may find it difficult to ask questions about sex. The parent may need to speak first. Be aware of what your children should know – and talk with them.

iv. Use proper words. When children ask questions, they may use vulgar words. Do not be shocked or angry. Children talk with the only words they have heard. Teach children the proper words, and use them yourself. Explain to them why some words are wrong. Explain why we cover our private, sexual parts.

v. Create a relaxed attitude. Encourage your child to always ask questions to you. Never act like any question is a sinful question to ask. A relaxed, open attitude keeps children coming back to their parents for facts and guidance. This attitude helps children understand that sex and sexuality are normal. Use the same tone of voice as always. Relax your face and smile a little, to show that the child has asked a normal question. If a parent becomes embarrassed – and refuses to answer – the child will keep looking for the answer. If you will encourage them, your children will honour you with their questions. If you refuse, they will seek answers from anyone – whether godly or ungodly.

vi. Teach with a good purpose. Good sexual teaching does not answer questions about what. It also teaches why. Teac h your children that sex is a marriage gift from God to a husband and wife.

vii. Be a good example. Show respect, faithfulness, kindness and love to your spouse. It is good for children to see a father and mother kiss and hug a little. Talk to your children about how much you love your spouse. Plan with the children to do special things for your spouse. Never commit adultery. If you are a single parent, remain sexually pure. Stay away from all pornography. Your example will either underline or erase all your words.

3. The sexual knowledge each child needs at home.

Parents are not always in control of what their children see and hear about sex. Children may get ideas through friends, television, music, and other things outside the home. Protect children from false or ungodly ideas about sex as much as possible. Be aware of what they see and hear. Protect their innocent, young minds, while teaching them the truth as they grow. Children develop at their own rate within their culture. So, the parent should discern when each child is ready for certain knowledge.

Here are some guidelines for teaching children as they grow:

Children 0 – 3 years old
- They need to feel loved and accepted by their father and mother. Fathers and mothers should hug their small children, and tell them they love them. And parents should show their love through giving the small children attention and time. This will protect them from becoming sexually active later in life as an attempt to find love that was missing as a child.
- Teach them the names for their sexual parts as you teach them the names for other parts of their bodies.
- They will be curious about the differences between male and female bodies. Give very simple answers.
- They begin wondering where babies come from. They will notice pregnant women and animals. Explain that babies first grow in special sacks in the mothers’ bodies.
- They need to develop positive feelings about being a boy or a girl. This usually happens when they look up to their fathers and mothers. If you are a single parent, make sure your children spend time with someone like the missing parent. The best choices are godly people who will be in their lives for a long time – like an aunt, uncle, or grandparents.
- Do not give details about intercourse. If questions arise, just say, “We will talk about that when you are older.”
- Leave them in the care of people you trust completely. Sexual abuse can happen to children less than three years old! The sad truth is that if a very young child is sexually abused, it was usually a friend or a family member who committed this sin.

Children 4 – 6 years old
- Continue many of the things we mentioned for the smallest children. For example continue to show that you love and accept each child. As children grow, you will answer their questions more fully. For example, they will want to know how the baby gets out of the mother. But a child still does not need to know how the child got in – the details of intercourse.
- Teach them about good and bad choices. Encourage them to grow in self-control. This helps them build a foundation for godly, moral living.
- Teach them that God desires babies to be born in marriages with a mother and father. If a child does not have a mother or father living with them, they will begin asking questions about why. Give the simple truth without details. Never make a child feel guilty or at fault over what a parent did. Do not encourage the child to think badly of the missing parent.
- Help them feel that they can come to their parents for answers about sexual things.
- Teach them the difference between private and public body parts. The private parts are not to be shown or touched by others. If this has happened with small children who are all the same age, do not become angry. They are just curious. But if someone older is involved, use all your power to protect your child from abuse. Your child’s sexual future is at risk. Always let them know that being safe is more important than being polite. Teach them to shout “NO”, run away, and tell on anyone who touches them in a sexual way.

Children 7 – 10 years old
- They will have more questions about the father’s part in making babies. They will need to know the role of intercourse in creating a child. At this age, they may not be curious about the other purposes of sex, unless they have seen sexual acts in movies, pictures, or elsewhere. Do your best to protect them from understanding sex too early. Children need all their attention and energy to be applied to other areas of growth at this time in their lives.
- They will have more questions about how the baby grows inside the mother and how it is born. Some parents use the process of mating, pregnancy, and birth in animals to teach their children.
- Teach them about the sexual systems of the male and female body. Teach that sex and sexuality are normal and good in marriage. God made all things to reproduce.
- Make sure they understand the ways their bodies are going to change into adult men and women.

Children 10 – 13 years old
- Prepare them for the physical and emotional changes of puberty. Every child should know about menstruation and nocturnal emissions (wet dreams) before they experience these things. Assure that that people develop at different rates and that variety in human bodies is normal.
- Teach them that sex is for marriage between a man and a woman. Teach them to remain a virgin – someone who has not had sex until marriage.
- Help them to expect the sex drive to be powerful. But desire does not demand action. Teach them that the Holy Spirit helps us to have self-control over our desires (Gal 5:13, 16)
- Talk to them about pornography and other entertainment that will harm and twist their thinking about sex.
- Teach them that incest – sex with a family member – is always a sin.
- Teach them the value of modesty in dress and interaction with people.
- Educate them about pregnancy and birth control, when others their age are talking about these things. (Parents, do not assume that your children should be as old as you were when you learned these things. Find out the ages that children today are discussing about these sexual matters.)

Children 14 years and older
- Teach them the purpose of marriage and the other purposes of sex besides reproduction.
- Teach them how to talk about sex with others – and when it is not acceptable to talk about sex.
- Talk about the results of using and misusing sex as God has commanded. Include information about sexual diseases such as HIV / AIDS.
- Explain why our church teaches that abortion is wrong, except in rare cases when it threatens the life of the mother. Children belong to God, even when they are still in the womb. Remember, abortion stops a beating heart! (Assemblies of God’s position on abortion (pdf file)
- Help them to understand the opposite sex and respect them.
- Help to develop a personal plan for sexual purity
- Begin praying with them about wisdom in choosing marriage and a spouse.
- Teach them the steps by which sexual desire gets stronger and stronger so they will be aware.
- Talk to them about masturbation.
- Details about how to become a good lover should not be shared until engagement. When they become engaged, help them to get the information they need to prepare for sex within marriage.

Our children need good knowledge about sex in order to live wise lives. Sexual knowledge helps them understand themselves, protect themselves, and choose wisely.

Conclusion

We want our children to grow in wisdom just as Jesus grew. One of the ways parents can help is to make sure their children are gaining knowledge about themselves and the world. Parents should encourage a love of learning. They should strive to educate all their children. They should teach them practical life skills through everyday work. And parents should not neglect sex education. As our children acquire knowledge, let us pray that their hearts will be turned to God and to wisdom.

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